Delirious

Melinda may be a not-so mild-mannered teacher by day, but by night, if we stay up late, Melinda will sometimes go into delirious-mode, as you know.

A couple of nights ago I went to go throw my socks in the dryer. When I came back, she was totally delirious. The change was almost instantaneous. As I came back in, Melinda was softly singing, "I've got you babe" to no one in particular. That was the tip-off to me. I grabbed my computer and wrote down our conversation almost verbatim:

"The pepperoncini farm."

What about it?

"An old man named Wilford works there. He grows them, but he can't grow pickles."

A few seconds pause.

"The sheriff came by today."

What'd he say?

"He brought the dog."

What did he do with it?

"He gave it some cheese."

Cheese isn't very good for dogs.

"Cop dogs. It's good for them. It makes their noses smell better .... Maybe we should feed our dog cheese."

So what did the sheriff say when he came by?

"He said he had some salami in his car. If we wanted it we'd have to come and get it, he wanted to make sure we didn't have any drugs."

A pause.

"He thought the thyme was drugs, and I was like, "Officer, officer. It is just thyme."

After suppressing my laughter, I decided not to push my luck and said we should just say companion prayer together so that we could go to bed. I'm almost ready to finish the prayer when Melinda says, "I want to have a baby." Oh ya, I think. We're supposed to be praying to know when the right time will be to have children. I add,"And please help us to know and feel that we are supposed to have children, when that time comes that we should have them." I paused for a split second, then added,"Even if that time is right now."

Immediately, Melinda interrupts the prayer again as she calmly says, "NO." I could barely finish closing the prayer because I was laughing so hard. Melinda said, "You're laughing at me," rolled away, and that was it, folks.

So there you have it.